I started writing this post a few months ago, when I was in a situation where I promised myself years ago I wouldn’t end up ever again. And I wrote the first part of it but because I still didn’t have enough clarity, I didn’t get to finish it. Now, I stumbled upon it and decided it was time for me to finish it. Little did I know that this was Life giving me an important answer I needed, in order to be able to realize that I am doing the right thing by changing my mind about a very important issue in my life. I asked Life to help me gain clarity in the next days regarding this situation and regarding what I should be doing. And coming here to finish this post did just that. 🙂
One of the biggest needs a person has is to be consistent with who they are. We need to be ourselves. And that is a good thing, but it can also backfire. Because the thing that is empowering us is to be consistent with who we are RIGHT NOW. Not with who we used to be. This is the trap in which many of us fall without even realizing it. Myself included! So many times!
At a certain point in our lives, we experienced something that made us promise to ourselves never to put ourselves in the same position again. I was struggling with this quite a lot lately because after having a jealous boyfriend in college I vowed myself to never date a jealous man again. And then I met a man I really liked who didn’t trust people. And I understood why he didn’t trust people. But at the same time, the result was him not trusting me and questioning what I’m doing. And I felt trapped because on one side I felt like I should keep the promise I made to myself more than 10 years ago but on the other side, my intuition was telling me to be with this man. It felt right to be with him. And I have learned to trust my intuition more than anything. It has always led me right.
So I listened to my intuition, but felt guilty for not keeping my promise. 🙂 Coming back to the now, it is very clear to me why my intuition told me that I was supposed to be there. Because by dating that man I learned so many lessons and grew much more than I would have been able to on my own. The whole experience helped me see myself through different lenses and gave me so much clarity regarding what I want and what I don’t want in a man. It’s the contrast that is helping us realize what is right for us. I am very grateful for listening to my intuition instead of my mind, for everything I have lived with him and for all the valuable lessons he helped me learn. And I remembered something I already knew: you can only connect the dots by looking back.
But the need of being consistent with who I am impacted me even more in another way. I found myself at certain points in my life when after having a revealing awareness, my perception of certain things changed and I felt compelled to take another course of action than what I initially wanted. And I was in a situation where I said I will do one thing (and I was very honest when I said it and I fully intended to do it in that moment) but in the light of the new perception, doing that thing didn’t feel right anymore. And I felt trapped. I wanted to stand by my word, but if I did that, I wasn’t doing the right thing for myself and even for others. It would be just doing something because at some point, with the information I had then, I thought that was the right thing to do and I said that’s what I will do. But now, in light of the new information, I knew for sure that it wasn’t the right thing to do and that I have to do something else. But I felt guilty for not doing what I said I would. And for a long time I was trapped in this kind of situation and whatever I chose to do, I still didn’t feel good about my decision.
I am lucky enough to have very wise people in my life, people who love me and help me go through this kind of situations. And they kept telling me that it’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to choose differently. And this helped me start to do what I now knew was right, instead of sticking to my promise just because that’s what I thought I should do when I made it. But the truth is that there was still a part of me that felt guilty for not sticking to my word and even though I knew I did the right thing, it still didn’t feel right.
This is the place where I found myself only a few days ago. And I asked Life for clarity regarding the situation and what’s the best course of action for me. And then I came here today and I felt the fog lifting up. By reading the first paragraph (which is now the second one), I got my answer and I truly felt it without a doubt. I am not the person I was when I decided to do that thing. And by being consistent with who I was and what I said would mean not being consistent with who I am right now and to ignore all the lessons and awareness and the raise in consciousness I gained in all this time. And I can’t do that. I truly believe that when we do that we disregard all our growth and just trow it out the window.
Now I can do what I feel right now to be right, with all my heart. Because now I know that being consistent with who I am right now means honoring my growth, my truth, my path and my experience. And there is nothing more empowering than that! And I also realized that if that would have been the right thing to do, I would have done that by now. But since I didn’t and now I found a better course of action, this means that all this time Life was guiding me here. Doing what I think is right in this moment, means also honoring that.